My hope

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

New Beginnings

Oh my goodness.

The new school year has started. No big deal right? WRONG! My little girl has started Kindergarten!!! And my once little boy is no longer my little boy, he has started 5th grade; next year is middle school!! Middle school...wow.

This is a bittersweet year for me. I'm so happy my children are growing, healthy, smart, and moving in life as they should. BUT, the more they grow, the less they need me...

I have discovered about myself, that I am a person that needs to feel needed. Why? I don't know. Maybe to give myself purpose? Is that sad? Is that good? I do not know either way. It's just me.

It is tradition on the first day of school to take them (well it used to be just HIM, now it's THEM). So we took Piper first (they go to different buildings). We took her inside instead of just dropping her at the door. We walked her to the cafeteria, as she had decided to eat breakfast; we walked her to the line and explained what she needed to do. I asked her if she was ready for us to leave, her response, "I'm scared". I felt my eyes tear up, but I fought it back, and told her I wouldn't leave until she was ready for me to. She looked over my shoulder and found a girl she knows from day care, and her fear went away. She then told Daddy and I she was ready for us to leave. Oh the pain in my heart...I kissed her good-bye with a smile on my face, wished her a good day, and watched her walk into the breakfast line with the other children. Tears running down my face.
My little girl is a big girl now. She didn't need Mommy to hold her hand. She didn't need me at all.

Ok, Marshall's turn. On the way to his school, he tells me, "You don't have to take me in, I remember where my class is." Oooook...so we stopped at the door, and let him out. Of course I didn't drive away until he disappeared in the building. He got to the door, turned, smiled and waved. :( What is happening here?!

I'm feeling very...what's a good word...tender. That's a good word for it. I'm feeling very tender about this. Do not get me wrong, I am very proud of my children. They are growing to be very independent little people. But at the same time, when will they need me??

I have one piece of happiness...I still have my Q-man at home. Oh man, I can't even imagine what I'm going to be like when he starts school!! Hopefully by then, I will have grown more emotionally, and be able to handle it without turning into an emotional basket case. On the other hand...

Some times I like being an emotional basket case. It means I'm feeling and what I'm feeling is real.

Tears.

Boo.

Kindergarten...

5th grade...

Almost middle school...

Whoa.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, be an emotional basket case! I think growing emotionally, is showing your emotions! I know that's how I'll be, and probably with my grandkids too, lol.

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