My hope

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Blue

In general feeling blue tonight. Surrogacy journey isn't going anywhere. Frustrating. Have a HUGE A&P2 exam on Friday and not even close to prepared for it. Scary. Husband goes out to dinner and royals game with boss to "discuss" a raise, leaving me with very little time to get more study time in, all the while ignoring me and not having the consideration to have a conversation with his wife and hear her out on how she feels about the situation. Frustrating. Sadening. Infuriating. Feeling like I don't matter. *Sigh* Kids are in the back ground playing. Older ones having a kid arguement. Youngest running around screaming to hear himself scream. He apparently thinks the sound is amazing. He's having fun. He just biffed it. I laughed. It felt good. I love watching him run. It is so cute. His little legs move just as fast as they possibly can, and for little legs they sure do move! School is rough. Very rough. None of my classes are easy. The time to study seems shorter. UGH, I'm scatter brained right now. I'm thinking a ton of things at once and don't know what I want to post. I feel a block. It needs to clear.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Patience

This was from a while back...it was sitting in my drafts. I must have hit "save" by accident instea of "publish." Oh well, here it is. Life is so very stressful right now. It just seems like that is what my life is about...stress. The economy is horrible, and having a less than motivated husband definitely does not help any situation. Finances at their lowest, and graduation still 3 years away. 3 years. Some days it does not seem like we will survive till then. I look around me, watch on facebook, listen to stories, of people I know going places with their families, taking their children fun places, experiencing the fun side of life, and I wish so badly that was me and my kids. I want to take them places and let them be kids and experience fun and do the things kids do. Go to the zoo, and water parks, all those things. It breaks my heart that we they have to just sit here and have no fun summer stories to tell. 3 years. I'm a patient person. I like to think I'm a patient person. But somedays...I don't feel very patient. I want so much for my children. Though I do give them all I can when I can, I hope they understand that one day. Our life is at a stand still until I graduate. I have said that before. We are stuck here until I graduate. Trying to have patience.